


Unsteady

by Jmdavis25



Series: (Un)Steady Universe [1]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Beverly Marsh & Richie Tozier Are Best Friends, Bill is also there, Denial, F/M, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Richie Tozier & Stanley Uris Are Best Friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:48:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21861721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jmdavis25/pseuds/Jmdavis25
Summary: Richie Tozier figures himself out throughout high school, it just so happens that he's in denial about what he really wants.
Relationships: Bill Denbrough/Beverly Marsh, Richie Tozier/Original Female Character(s), Stanley Uris/Original Female Character(s)
Series: (Un)Steady Universe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1575151
Kudos: 14





	Unsteady

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first real IT fic! Be gentle please :)

Richie rolled his eyes as he, Beverly, Stanley, and Bill sat in a circle. He wasn’t sure whose stupid idea it was to play truth or dare-fuck that was a lie. It was Bev’s idea that everyone except him had eagerly agreed to.

“Are you sure we want to do this?” Richie asked while he crossed his arms. “This is a Thursday afternoon at Stan’s house, not a thirteen year old girl’s slumber party.”

“Come on Trashmouth, don’t you wanna help me give these pussies some dares?” Beverly asked making Richie sigh silently. He fucking hated truth or dare but he didn’t want anyone to think he had a secret-he didn’t have a secret. No matter what his fucking nightmares said, he didn’t have a secret.

“Whatever, just don’t pick dare unless one of you wants to end up licking someone’s mom’s underwear.” Richie stated with an eyeroll.

“Beep beep asshole.” Stan replied.

“Why don’t you start Rich?” Beverly asked. He ignored how his heart started pumping harder after she said that. “Truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“I dare you to,” Beverly looked around the room and Richie raised an eyebrow as she exchanged looks with everyone other than him. “Tell us who you like.”

“Are you serious?” Richie looked around the room. It had accidentally slipped at lunch a few days ago that he had a crush on someone. They had been pestering him about it ever since. The problem was his crush wasn’t exactly one that he could act upon. Or one that he could tell the losers about. Hell, he could hardly even admit it to himself. It was also a one-off. He had a crush on one boy. That was it-so he didn’t understand why he couldn't just keep it to himself.

“It’s a dare R-R-Richie. You gotta te-te-tell us.” Bill agreed with Bev quickly. The two high fived and Richie had never hated either of them more. Ever since they had started dating Bill would agree with anything Beverly said, it was a wonder that he still had a brain.

Richie rolled his eyes. He started trying to think of all the girl’s in his class. Anyone who he could realistically have a crush on. Anyone other than his actual crush Connor would work right now. “Laurie Blake.”

“Laurie Blake?” Almost everyone asked in unison. Maybe she wasn’t the best option-but she was his lab partner and she was pretty. She laughed at his jokes-fuck maybe he should try to have a crush on Laurie Blake.

“Richie she likes you.” Stan replied as if it was obvious.

“Everyone knows she likes you.”

“She fixed the graffiti in the bathroom about you before I had the chance to.” Beverly added on. He really wished she wouldn't have mentioned the graffiti, but he played it off like it didn't bother him-why should it? It wasn't like he was actually gay, if he was it would bother him, but he wasn't so it couldn't bother him.

Bill nodded his head. “Richie she asked me if you l-l-liked anyone.”

“Oh.” Fuck he was going to have to ask her out now. That was going to be his next fucking dare. Maybe that wouldn’t be a bad thing though. Maybe if he did the things he wanted to do with Connor with Laurie then he would be normal.

“I have her number.” Stan stated as he went to pick up the school directory from his father’s bookshelf. He turned a few pages before handing the book to Richie. “Call her.”

Richie glanced down at the page. Blake, Loraine (878) 555-2329. He glanced two names further down the page. Bowers, Connor (878) 555-0211. It was right there. And it wouldn’t have to be weird. He could just ask if he wanted to go to the arcade or something. They had played together at the arcade before. “I will later. Wouldn’t want you guys to steal my game.”

Stan snorted. “Your game?”

“Yes Staniel, my game. How else do you think I got a lovely woman like your mother?” Richie asked.

“Shut up Richie.” Richie rolled his eyes and looked back down at the paper. Wait a minute. “Stan! I have found your dream girl! Haley Bird!”

“She’s in the third grade Richie.” Stan deadpanned.

“So you already struck out? Sucks man.” Richie replied with fake sympathy like it didn’t say grade three right next to her name.

“Just call L-Lau-Laurie. Un-unless your ch-ch-chicken!” Bill finally stuttered out.

“Fine!” Richie could feel his hands shaking as he dialed the number.

“Blake residence. Warren Blake speaking.” Warren Blake was three grades ahead of them, a senior. He also happened to be Laurie’s older brother.

“Hi um can I talk to Laurie?” Richie asked hating the fact that his voice had squeaked a little on the word talk. “I’m her lab partner.”

“Richie Tozier?”

“Yeah that’s me.” Richie laughed nervously. He was more nervous about talking to Warren then he wanted to admit. He could say that Warren was attractive without being attracted to him. Couldn’t he?

“Hey Laurie! That kid your always talking about is on the phone!” Richie held in a laugh. The fact that somebody would talk about him that much was kind of flattering.

“Oh my god shut up!” Richie heard through the phone and snickered. He heard what sounded like the phone being pulled back and forth before finally hearing Laurie’s voice on the other line. “Richie?”

“Hey.” Richie looked down and rolled his eyes once he noticed everyone staring at him intently. “I was wondering if you wanted to come to the Aladdin with me tomorrow after school? Then maybe we could get some pizza or something after?”

“I have to go to my Grandma’s tomorrow after school, but how about Saturday?”

“That’s perfect. Do you wanna meet there around four?”

“Yes! I-I can’t wait! I’ll talk to you tomorrow Richie.”

“Talk to you tomorrow Laurie.” Richie hung up the phone and forced himself to smirk as he looked at his friends. “Well I don’t know about you guys, but I have a date on Saturday.”

Beverly patted his back before giving a soft look to Bill. “Now we just need to find Stan a girl and then we’ll all have dates.”

“We can call up Haley Bird?” Richie suggested before Stan swatted him. “Fuck man it was just a suggestion!”

* * *

“You know it’s funny,” Laurie started as she put her hands in the pockets of Richie’s jacket. It was way too big for her and he really wished he found that endearing. “I was starting to think you didn’t like me back.”

“How could I not?” Richie asked because it was exactly what he was asking himself. “You’re perfect.” Richie smiled a little when he noticed her blushing.

“You know my parents are in New York this weekend and Warren is with his friends if you wanna come inside?” Laurie offered.

No! No! NO! It was their first fucking date! He wasn’t supposed to worry about this part yet! “Sure.” Laurie giggled softly as she led him into her house. It wasn’t necessarily a big house, it was bigger than Beverly and Stan’s houses, but it wasn’t as big as Richie’s. After all his father was a dentist-they had enough money for him to have an almost six figure college fund. He actually wasn’t sure what Laurie’s parents did. He tried not to think about it as Laurie led him into her room. “It’s a nice place.”

“Thanks.” She took off her shoes and his jacket before sitting on her bed. “Come on Richie, we both know you’re not shy.”

“No, I’m not.” Richie laughed as he joined her on her bed. “So uh what do you wanna-” Richie momentarily froze when she plunged forward and kissed him before returning the kiss in full force. He wanted to do this, he had to want to do this.

“Do you have anything?” Laurie whispered once they broke the kiss. She looked at him expectantly. Fuck fuck fuck.

“I wasn’t expecting this.” Richie replied honestly. She nodded her head and smiled.

“Me either, I just I really like you Richie.” Laurie kissed his cheek before getting up. “I know where Warren keeps his. I’ll be back in a minute, okay?”

“Okay.” Richie watched as she walked out of the room before looking around. It was girlier than Bev’s room, the only other girl’s room he had ever been in. The walls were pink, there were a few pictures, and there was a poster of River Phoenix on the wall. He couldn’t say she had bad taste in men.

“I’m back.” Laurie announced as she walked back in the room holding a condom. “Are you ready Richie?”

Richie glanced at her, then to the picture of River Phoenix, then to her again. “As long as you are.”

* * *

“How was your date Rich?” Stan asked as Richie joined him, Beverly, and Bill at their lunch table.

He shrugged, trying not to think of how wrong his date felt. That he had pictured himself kissing River Phoenix instead of her. And that he had most likely taken the virginity of a girl who thought he liked her. He had tried! He really had tried to like her, but she wasn't...she wasn't _a boy_. Richie pushed that thought out of his head. “Fine.”

“That’s it?” Bev asked as she hit his shoulder playfully. “Don’t we get details?”

Details like the fact that something he had always thought would be great was actually terrible? Details like the fact that he was more convinced than ever that being with Laurie was not what he was supposed to do? He silently groaned trying once again to push the thoughts of him not liking Laurie out of his head. He just needed to give her more of a chance. “We just went to the movie, got some pizza, and hung out for a while. We’re going out again next weekend.”

“That’s awesome Richie!” Bill exclaimed amazingly stutterless as he patted Richie’s back. Richie shrugged again before being pulled off the table and pushed against the wall.

“You think you can fuck my baby sister and not pay for it loser?”

“Uh-”

“Warren let him go!” Laurie yelled as she hit her brother’s shoulder.

“We both decided to do it! It’s not like he forced me or anything!” Richie glanced at Laurie who was staring at him apologetically. He was about to get beat up for sleeping with a girl who he had no interest in. He held back a smile despite everything now _everyone_ would know that he slept with a girl. Now nobody would ever associate him with being gay again and this was the perfect opportunity to end things with Laurie and find someone, a _boy_ , a girl that he really liked.

“Warr-”

“Don’t say my name you little punk!” Warren yelled before the basketball coach/history teacher Mr. Wilson came and pulled Warren off of Richie.

“Blake! Detention!” Richie stared halfway shaking as Mr. Wilson led Warren away and immediately felt Laurie’s arms go around him.

“I am so so sorry Richie! I don’t even know how he found out!”

Richie tuned out as Laurie kept talking before shaking his head and pulling himself away from her. “I’ve had problems all my life with this kind of shit. I like you but I can’t be a target anymore.”

“Richie what are you saying?” Laurie asked.

“That we should cool it. I’m sorry but this is too much drama for me.”

“I’m sorry Richie! Please don’t do this!”

“It’s already done.” Richie replied as he turned away from her and headed back to his table. Hiding his happiness with false sadness. “So-”

“What the fuck was that?” Bev asked the second he sat back down. “You slept with Laurie last weekend?”

“Kinda.” Richie looked around the table where all his friends had matching shocked faces. “What?”

“You say all the time that you’re fucking one of our mom’s. Then when you actually do it with someone you don’t say anything?” Stan asked raising an eyebrow slightly.

“How the fuck do you do that?” Richie asked as he tried to (and failed) replicate Stan only lifting one eyebrow.

“Ans-answer the qu-qu-question.” Bill stated causing Richie to sigh.

“Look I just didn’t really think it was my place, okay?”

* * *

"R-R-Richie." Richie looked up from his comic book and looked towards Bill. He moved his hand and gestured for him to continue. "You had se-se-sex with Laurie."

"I did."

"H-h-how was it? B-B-Bev and I haven't yet. We're going to s-s-soon."

Richie wasn't sure he wanted to tell his friend that having sex with Laurie, who was now following him around like a lost puppy begging for him to take her back, was probably one of the worst experiences of his life. Nothing like he had imagined it to be. Icky even. "I don't think I can help you Billiam. Laurie, pretty as she may be, kind of sucks in the sack. Plus she kisses like a dead fish."

"So it wa-wa-wasn't good?"

"Not really. But that doesn't mean it won't be better with Bev." Richie sighed softly before putting down the comic book. "Make sure you talk to her about it though. Don't just ambush her." Richie felt like he should probably stop talking but continued anyway. "Don't assume she wants to do anything."

"Di-did you ambush La-La-Laurie?"

"No."

"Did she am-ambuh-ambush you?"

"Look Bill," Richie looked down and sighed. "I know you've been dating Beverly for a while and she is completely awesome, but make sure you talk to her."

"Okay."

Richie nodded slowly as Bill came and sat next to him on his bed. He felt his cheeks heat up when Bill's knee hit his, even though it had been less than a second he had enjoyed it more than the sex with Laurie. Which was probably a problem. He glanced back at Bill who was now helping himself to Richie's comic and realized that, thankfully, he did not have feelings for Bill. God that would be awkward.

* * *

Richie looked in the mirror and shook his head as the memory of his and Laurie's lunchtime breakup three years ago came into his head. He didn't like to admit how often he thought about it. How for six weeks Laurie had followed him around constantly trying to get him to forgive her before giving up when she saw him making out with Molly Hanold. He rolled his eyes thinking about the Molly, she had been annoying as shit. He was pretty sure the older girl just didn't want to go to college as a virgin so she had decided to try and sleep with a freshman, which now that he was a senior he sort of respected. Unfortunately, he hadn't liked sleeping with Molly anymore than he had liked sleeping with Laurie. Which was why he was now desperate to find a girl who he liked sleeping with and hoping that his new girlfriend would be that girl. Even though he had a feeling that the thing he had been pushing down, the _secret_ , that he had been keeping since Connor Bowers had smiled at him the summer in between eighth and ninth grade. The secret that had magnified when their hands touched for three seconds at the arcade. The secret that caused him to lose his virginity in the first place. The secret that had him momentarily wondering if he had a crush on Bill. 

"Lost in thought?"

Richie turned and looked at his mother, halfway annoyed that she had opened his door without knocking. "Mom we've talked about this. You need to knock! What if I was jerking off?"

"Then you would've had to pay for me to get my eye's removed." Maggie replied with a half smirk. "And I came up here to tell you that Beverly is on her way over."

"Cool."

"Keep the door open, three inches okay?"

Richie groaned. "Mom Bev is my friend and if I wanted to have sex it wouldn't be while you and dad were in the living room."

"Okay, okay." Maggie reached to give Richie a hug which he reluctantly accepted. "I'm glad to hear that I'm a mood killer, at least right now. You do know that I'm too young to be a grandma, right?"

Richie snickered. He was never going to have kids. "You don't have to worry about that Mom, not now, not ever."

"Beverly!" Maggie exclaimed as she walked into Richie's room. Maggie threw her arms around Beverly. "Promise me I'll get to be the grandmother to your children! My son is refusing to make a grandma out of me!"

Bev gave a (fake) shocked gasp. "Why of course Maggie! How could your son do this to you at the fertile age of seventeen?"

Richie rolled his eyes. "Goodbye Mom."

"Bye Honey!" Maggie smiled at him before leaving (and leaving the door open three inches.)

"Do I wanna know?" Bev asked with a small laugh as she plopped down on Richie's bed. 

He shook his head and sat down next to her, "I do not believe so Ms. Marsh." he replied in an accent that was half Irish cop and half Richie Tozier. "She just wants to make sure that you and I aren't having sex. Which is ridiculous because you are madly love with Bill."

Beverly laughed again, this time nervously. Richie gave her a curious look. "I wanted to talk to you about something Rich. About me and Bill."

"Go ahead." Richie looked at her halfway expecting her to announce their intentions to elope on her eighteenth birthday. He was fully expecting to be her man of honor while Stan could be Bill's best man. Even if getting married at eighteen was not something he planned to do, especially because he really didn't want to settle down with a girl _ever_ , (because he wanted to be a bachelor for life, not because he was gay or anything.) 

"I wanna break up with Bill." Beverly stated calmly causing Richie's eyes to widen. "Bill and I have been together since the end of year dance in the eighth grade. Nearly four years and I'm only seventeen. There are other people out there and I want to meet someone who I haven't met yet. Maybe end up whisked away or something." Bev sighed softly. "I know it sounds ridiculous for a girl like me to get a happily ever after, but I want that. And I just have a feeling that Bill's not the guy I'm supposed to spend forever with." 

"Y'know Marsh, you sound like a girl," Beverly hit him causing him to laugh. "I get what you mean though. You deserve to be happy and if Bill's not the person that makes you happy, then he's not the person you need to spend forever with."

Beverly nodded her head. "Okay, so I'm breaking up with Bill."

Richie put an arm around her shoulders and nodded his head. "You know, it's not ridiculous for a girl like you to get a happily ever after. You're the best girl I know Molly Ringwald."

"Thanks but that's really not something to say to your friend when you have a girlfriend." Beverly stated causing the now common feeling of guilt to fill his stomach. He thought of Anna momentarily before shaking his head. He didn't like her. He was going to have to two things. He needed to have sex with Anna to see if he liked it and if he didn't, he fucking needed to talk to Stan.

* * *

Richie walked into Stan’s house to find him watching the Discovery Channel and rolled his eyes. He plopped next to Stan on the couch and turned off the tv. “Staniel!”

“What Rich?” Stan asked while he grabbed a book from the coffee table.

“Anna’s busy tonight so you get to spend time with your favorite Trashmouth.” Richie gave Stan a one armed hug that resulted in Stan rolling his eyes. “So what’s the agenda?”

“I was going to watch tv but an asshole broke into my house and turned it off.” Stan replied. Richie assumed he could only be pretending to read whatever the hell that book was. “So I’m reading Bill’s book.”

“Bill wrote a book?” Richie asked grabbing the book from Stan’s hand and looking inside it. “ _Bethany Moss had the most beautiful red hair of all the girls-but it was magic-_ what the fuck is this?” Richie laughed before turning a few pages. “ _Ricky Tossler had hidden talent in his eyes, hidden by the protectors on his eyes, which to the normal eye looked like coke bottle glasses_ -Okay I got rid of those in eighth grade.”

Stan snatched the book back from Richie. “And nobody knows about it but me. He wants to surprise Beverly with it on her birthday.” Richie’s eyes widened. “You forgot her birthday, didn’t you?”

“Um yeah.” _Nope._ Beverly may or may not have mentioned wanting to break up with a certain boy who had just gotten over his stutter completely to him.

“Richie what’s going on?” Fuck Stan Uris for knowing how to break him with a simple look.

“Bev is breaking up with him.” Richie told him in a way that he wished could’ve been seen as reluctant. He would never understand why he would always cave so easily to Stanley. “She says she doesn’t feel the spark anymore.”

Stan’s eyes widened. “But she and Bill have been together forever.”

“Exactly. Look I shouldn’t tell you this but I’m going to break up with Anna too.” Richie stated knowing that was the only way to steer the conversation away from Bill and Beverly. “The sex is bad.”

Stan groaned just like Richie knew he would. “I didn’t need to know that Richie.”

“Hey Stan, you’ve had sex before, right? With that girl from temple?” Richie asked now completely unsure of what he was doing or where that had even come from.

“Be quiet Richie my parents are upstairs.” Stan hissed as he looked over his shoulders. “If my dad finds out that I’ve had sex, I’m dead-or no he’ll tell Sarah’s dad and then we’ll have to get married. And then I would be married to a sixteen year old who broke up with me three months ago.”

“Really?” Richie asked. He knew that the rabbi was strict but fuck that was harsh.

“Yes really.” Stan replied lowly. “But what do you wanna know about it?”

“Was it good?”

Stan groaned. “Ugh seriously Richie?”

“Seriously, was it?”

“Yes.”

Richie frowned before looking down. Bev and Bill had both said the same thing to him several times but he thought that they might be the odd ones out. He had slept with three girls over the past three years and none of them were good. “Oh.”

“Wait is sex with Anna really that bad?” Stan asked finally putting the book back on the coffee table and turning to Richie.

“Kinda.” Richie was still looking down so he didn’t know what Stan’s face looked like. “I think something is wrong with me Stan. I-I don’t think I like sex.”

“What?”

“I’ve had sex with three different girls and none of them-” Richie sighed before continuing. “I’ve tried so hard to like it but I can’t. I don’t think I can pretend anymore either.”

“Pretend what?”

“That I don’t like-” Richie’s voice stopped when he heard Stan’s mom walk into the room. “Hi Mrs. Uris.”

“Hello Richie,” Mrs. Uris glanced over at Stan. “Honey your father and I are going out for about an hour. There’s leftover spaghetti in the fridge if you guys want it.” While she was saying this Mr. Uris was mouthing ‘pizza’ and placed some money on the coffee table next to Bill’s book. “We’ll see you boys later.”

“Bye Mom bye dad!”

“By Mr. and Mrs. Uris!” Richie called simultaneously. As soon as the door closed Stan sat up and looked at Richie intently.

“What can’t you like Rich?”

Richie swallowed silently. He had almost completely forgotten about what he had just said. He shook his head. “I-I can’t tell you. You’ll hate me.”

“Richie, I hate that I can’t order a beef lovers pizza because it’s Friday and you’re here. Not you.” Stan stated sounding way too serious.

“You remember eighth grade?” Richie asked not knowing why _that_ was the place to start. “And Bill was nervous to ask out Beverly but we told him it would be fine?”

“Yeah?”

“I’ve never felt like that asking a girl out.” Richie admitted not looking away from the ground. “And-I don’t want to ask girls out. It’s just what I’m supposed to do.”

“Says who?”

“Everybody!” Richie yelled as tears came into his eyes. _No, he was not going to cry_. “And if I don’t they’ll know.”

“And in six months you’ll never have to see these idiots again.”

“So? People think like that everywhere. They think that people-” Richie stopped so he could stabilize his voice. “They think that people like _me_ are disgusting.”

“I think you’re disgusting, but not because of who you like Richie.” Richie glanced up at Stan tears still in his eyes. “Who you like doesn’t fucking matter.”

“It doesn’t?”

“No, and fuck anybody who says anything different.”

Richie threw his arms around Stan and to his surprise Stan didn't push him away. "Stan I think I'm-" Richie shook his head stopping himself. He couldn't hide from the truth anymore. "Stan I'm gay."

**Author's Note:**

> And that's that. I'm planning on making this into a series if you guys like it (Eventually leading to Reddie) let me know if you guys would like that!


End file.
